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Mrs W and I were lucky to catch the final showing of Back to The Future in the west end this evening, and we’d been looking forward to it all week. The theme tune had ear wormed its way into my head, and I’d been wandering around the house humming away like an idiot, super excited about seeing another one of my formative childhood films on the big screen. We took our seats, got comfy, giggled at the theme music playing over the cinema THX system. . . and then THEY arrived. The crew from a rather popular independent television program, and its always-happy-to-disrobe-for-the-sake-of-art-and-another-couple-of-thousand-pounds-in-her-pay-packet d-list celebrity pseudo star, loaded up to the gills with bottled beer (which they managed to spill all over the place), voices blaring like fog horns, and seated directly in front of us.

The trailers came on. They kept talking. That’s fine, I don’t care if somebody talks through adverts, it’s not like I’m going to buy any of the stuff anyway, and it’s a welcome distraction. Plus, people think you’re a dick if you shh them during the trailers.

Then the movie started. And they just. kept. TALKING.

And talking.

And talking.

While I seethed.

There’s a line in the film “Clerks” that pretty much sums up the way I deal with situations like these:

“My mother told me once that when l was three years old, my potty lid was closed, and instead of me lifting it, I shit my pants.”

No matter how much I want to, I can’t bring myself to be the person who says something, which is my biggest character flaw. In a professional capacity I have no problem rocking the boat: sometimes, it’s what I’m paid to do. But in my personal life, I’m a complete and utter coward when it comes to confrontation. Mainly, because I’m afraid I’ll over react and end up feeding the source of my irritation their own shoes and socks until they come around to my point of view.

My wife knows this about me. So she very politely tapped said d-lister on the shoulder and asked them to have their conversation a little more quietly, as it was proving to be very distracting for everyone else. Right around the time Marty was trying to avert the very real possibility of past-nastification, by bigging up his dad’s self-confidence.

The irony that the main theme of Back to the Future is about standing up for oneself is not lost on me. But I don’t care, because if you mess with me my wife will kick your ass. Or tell you off in a very polite, non-confrontational manner.

Which brings me to the self-imposed deadline (hmmm, segue-tastic). Like a few writers I know, there’s nothing like a deadline to clear the head and spur on the creative juices. If I’m told I need to submit 1000 words by Friday afternoon, you can be sure that the work will be completed by Tuesday, proofread and submitted. This leaves enough time for the client or editor to give me any feedback, suggesting changes or, in the worst case scenario, a complete rewrite. I thrive under this sort of regime as I feel I have something to prove, and my need to impress other people gets me in the right frame of mind for some solid, no-nonsense writing. I’ve yet to miss a deadline that’s been imposed by an external force, as the thought of disappointing someone is just too much to bear.

However, I’ve recently been put in the position where I’ve been given free rein over deadlines for a few clients:

“When do you need the work done by?”

“Just submit it when you can, there’s no rush”

While this sounds like the ideal work situation for a freelancer, it carries with it a number of pitfalls that cause my work ethic to take off its shoes and socks, slowly climb into the toilet and flush itself into oblivion.

There’s no pressure.

Pressure is what makes me get up at 6.30 in the morning to make sure I’m shower and shaved for 7am, sat down at a desk by 7.30 and writing non stop until 5pm. Without this, I’ll sleep in until 10, have a bath rather than a shower, mosey on down to the living room, sit on the couch and blankly stare at my laptop until I give up at around 2pm and switch the PS3 on. I can always write tomorrow.

I’m getting better at working without pressure, but it takes a huge amount of self-discipline that I haven’t had to muster before. Like anything, it’s a behaviour that needs to be learned on the job. The only downside is that if you don’t learn it, there are no consequences, therefore it’s impossible to make a mistake, so what exactly does one learn from? If I set the deadline myself, the only person I’m disappointing is me if I overshoot it. Nobody is depending on me making the deadline, and since I hold my own opinion in such low regard, I couldn’t give a crap how disappointed I make me feel (I’m going to stop now, because I’m starting to confuse myself).

So, in summary: if you want me to do some work for you, even if you have no internal deadlines, and don’t really mind when the work is submitted, lie to me. Tell me you need it in two weeks. Set me a concrete deadline. Chances are you’ll receive the work well before the deadline you’ve imposed, and it will provide me with the pressure needed to kick-start my mind into work mode.

I look back at my misspent youth and realise how much time I wasted trying to be what other people wanted me to be. That’s when I wasn’t glued to the television playing video games.

Hours spent stealing cars, unleashing shotgun justice on zombies and waging a one man war against the forces of darkness, trying to rescue a certain princess and her mystical triangles; if I’d chosen the right degree, I could have used that game time as research!

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZV-AFnCkRLY&feature=youtube_gdata_player][YouTube via Kotaku]

If only I’d seen this YouTube clip when I was 16. Or even 10.

How different my life could have been.

Instead, I lie here, in the dark, writing a blog post that only a handful if people will read. . .

Actually, sod all this self pity: I’m going to teach myself how to do it!

You just don’t understand how hard it was having to survive playing PS3 using a standard def TV for so many years, especially when the TV’s tube is on the way out, giving out a picture that wouldn’t look out of place in a Beatles cartoon.

Then the HD Sony Bravia arrived, all shiny and new, dominating the sitting room as it towered over the coffee table like a Kubrickian monolith. Obviously I had to go back through my game collection and replay them to make sure the graphics were as mind-blowing as I’d always expected them to be. Some of those games take over 40 hours to play, you know? You’re lucky I’m back at all! By rights I should still be glued to the 46″ screen helping Snake save the world (let’s face it, on the European difficulty setting and Kojima’s penchant for ridiculously long cut scene’s I could still be playing Metal Gear Solid 4 when my Grandkid’s start Uni), stealing cars and shooting space insurgents.

Regardless of the new TV, I have been incredibly busy: I’ve started writing articles on holiday destinations for an SEO company; one of my fellow IWOOT veterans has asked me to help her set up a magazine geared towards students on Creative degree courses; I’ve interviewed Ex Libras, Max Schaefer and Dr Max Pemberton for the online zine, Work-Ethic and there’s a new computer game/film project in the pipeline that I’m very excited about.

From now on there should be at least one article a week, so please do check back soon. I promise I won’t leave you again.

During my waking hours I’ve spent my time frantically trying put together a notebook full of character emotions (the writing equivalent of an artists palette), rediscovered the sitcom “Cybil” (which in my opinion was made for a 4am time slot – the brain is just numb enough to be able to appreciate the senseless humour of the show) and have reorganised and downloaded all of the correct album artwork for my itunes folder. An experience I never want to go through again.  I swear, apple has to sort that out – there’s no need for some random cover band to end up gracing the artwork for Are you Experienced? It’s not like it’s a rare album.

I’ve also been pulled, once again, into the post apocalyptic world of Fallout 3.  If you haven’t played it yet go to the shop right now and buy it.  Playing it at 3am when the rest of the world is safely tucked up in bed is one of the loneliest experiences I’ve ever had (except for the time I accidentally got lost inside a continental quilt cover) and it’s the perfect scenario for playing it.  Each quest takes on biblical status inside your sleep starved, biscuit eating brain.  You start strategising every move so you can eke out as much game play as possible (made the mistake last time of completing it too quickly) without resorting to grinding up your XP by battling wave after wave of super mutant.  It takes my breath away.

There are two new additions in the Williams’ household (no, we haven’t stolen some toddlers from the supermarket): the new sony bravia and, my xmas present from Jo, a Macbook Pro.  Both of these gadgets are locked in bitter conflict for my attention – one is encouraging me to stay indoors and stare at it, while the other is coaxing me out of the house – “Come on Ed, you don’t need that iMac or the Bravia.  Leave them behind and we’ll go on an adventure, just you and me”.  No doubt I’ll become one of those insufferable people who sits in Starbucks, typing obnoxiously and furrowing their brow to give the impression their giving birth to literary masterpiece when all their really doing is updating twitter and playing Farmville (which will come under fire in a later post – if I start that rant now I’m never going to get any sleep).

So, to those of you who’ve made it this far down the page: well done.  This has been one hell of a ramble after a few months cold dead silence.  Once my friend, the web designer extraordinaire has finished my website I may even buy some space and put this up as a proper blog.  Like the gym, the idea is that if I’m paying for it I’ll be more inclined to use it.  But we all know how that ends, don’t we?

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u34-lj3vVbQ&hl=en&fs=1&]

I would very much like to subscribe to his newsletter and I suggest YouTube shut down.  It’s over – the coolest thing ever has happened and the world will never be the same.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_0SeGAi3II8&hl=en&fs=1&]

Many thanks to the Geekologie writer for finding this and sharing it. Special thanks to Matt Mulholland for being Awesome to the power of Rad!