Originally published on Panic Dots.

Walking away from any film with the impression that James Nesbitt is not only underused, but the best thing in the film, is an unsettling experience. Though, I did go to see Outcast on the same day that the Large Hadron Collider was successfully switched on for the first time. Coincidence? I’ll let you decide.

My main problem with Outcast is that it’s almost a good film. From the production notes it’s clear the writers have carried out a lot of research on ancient Celtic rituals, and it does show. Unfortunately, they don’t show enough.

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Originally published on Panic Dots.

I really, REALLY wanted to like this film. I’m a huge Danny McBride fan, and couldn’t wait to see him camping it up on-screen with James Franco and Natalie Portman. Maybe it was the Hoxton hipsters who kept coming in and out all the way through the movie, maybe it was the fever I’d been battling for the last three days, but something about the film just didn’t click with me.

First of all, let’s get the synopsis out of the way. McBride plays Thadeous, spoilt prince and younger brother to the uber-succesful, quest happy Fabious (Franco), who has recently returned from his latest adventure with rescued damsel in distress, and bride to be Belladonna (Zooey Deschanel). On the day of the wedding, a dark and ridiculous sorcerer, Leezar (Justin Therouz) gatecrashes the Royal wedding, and kidnaps Fabious’ kooky fiancee. Turns out only a sword made from Unicorn bone can defeat the evil wizard, so Fabious decides to embark on yet another daring quest into the unknown, only this time he’s taking his younger brother with him, to force him into manhood.

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Originally published on Panic Dots.

Reviews should, ultimately, be unbiased. You should approach each screening with as little information as possible about the film – only then will you be able to produce a reliable review. At least, that’s what I think (each to their own, and all that). Unfortunately, I broke my own cardinal rule before seeing I Am Number Four. Sure, I’d read the short synopsis – that’s what piqued my interest. A mysterious pair of fugitives, with super powers, on the run from ruthless enemies intent on their destruction? How could this NOT be a good movie?! But then I discovered it was produced by Michael Bay, the man who made two races of robots beating seven shades of crap out of each other boring.

I hadn’t seen any of D.J. Caruso‘s earlier films, so despite my initial fears that this was going to be a mindless descent into special effects insanity, with an incomprehensible plot held together by explosions and a girl in a tight pair of shorts, I still held out some hope that Caruso would be able to rein in the power of Bay.

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Originally published on Panic Dots.

Confessions Of A Dog, the most controversial Japanese film of the century, is finally out for release in the UK today. As soon as I saw that it had been banned in Japan, I snapped up the review copy. I’ve endured some soul wrenching violence, tentacle rape and musical zombies in my time – all from films released without a hitch in the land of the rising sun, so I was very curious to see what kind of material one has to include to get your film outlawed over there.

It turns out, the film wasn’t actually banned. The Japanese rating system doesn’t have a basis in law, so it was perfectly legal to possess, watch or screen the film. However, due to the subject matter, and the main theatrical distributors being uneasy about repercussions from the local police, the film was only released theatrically in 2010 – five years after post production wrapped on the movie. Essentially, the “Banned In Japan” label is just for marketing purposes – and it works. I’ll forgive the distribution company, as the more people who get to see this movie, by whatever means, the better.

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